The Small Wedding Guest-List Hack

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One of the biggest influences on how much money your wedding is going to cost you is how many people you're inviting. The average number of guests attending weddings is falling- in the US it fell by 10 last year to 140. But the average amount we spend per guest is still on the rise- up to £180 from £145 in 2009. Every couple on that list is costing you another £360. The cost of a big guest list is more than just the huge catering bill; more guests mean paying for a bigger venue, more decorations, more crockery, more table linens, more stationery, the list goes on. Often, people are invited more out of obligation than a genuine desire to see them on your big day. So I've come up with a cheat to help narrow down the guest list to only the people who really love you and really deserve to be there;

WOULD YOU LEND THIS PERSON £100.

It's going to cost you more than that to have them at your wedding, so if your answer isn't a resounding yes, leave them off the list.

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How to find your bridal zen

People often ask me “but how do you deal with Bridezillas”. And the easy answer is, I don’t. There really isn’t such a thing. No one gets proposed to and instantly turns into a mythical monster. Occasional tantrums are in fact a fairly natural reaction to planning the most expensive party of your life, for 150 people of all ages and interests, more or less completely alone, at which you are expected not to look like a frazzled amateur event planner but the most beautiful, calm and happy version of yourself. Almost everyone has some form of break down- from the small bicker with your mother in law (“I’m sorry Susan, but it’s my wedding and we’re serving duck because I said so”) to causing full blown family feuds. The thing to remember is that behind the tantrum there is a woman who was once a calm, reasonable, rational human, and the stress of her normal life plus wedding has tipped her over the edge.

My sister, always full of wisdom, was one of the most relaxed and happy brides I have ever seen. I've borrowed top tips from her before, so this time I asked how she kept her cool;

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Getting engaged is super exciting. You’re getting married to your best friend, the love of your life, and you’re having a big party with all of your nearest and dearest to celebrate. So far, so awesome. If you’re anything like me though, you have no idea how to even begin to go about organising said party. You want it to be wonderful and for everyone to have a good time. On the other hand, you don’t want to spend thousands of pounds that you don’t have, or end up so stressed out about everything that you don’t end up able to enjoy yourself.

So how can you make the whole thing easier for yourself?

  • Delegate

My mum and sisters basically organised my entire wedding with minimal input from me. This involves a certain amount of trust that they won’t mess up, but really if you insist on organising every single thing yourself you’ll only end up with a headache. If you still want to be in control, delegate specific tasks or ones that help without eliminating other options- ask your bridesmaids to make shortlists of local photographers, or ask them to find their own shoes and accessories.

  • Get things booked a long time in advance

Our engagement was just over a year and a half, which gave us plenty of time to book things. Venues, bands, photographers etc. can book up over a year in advance so if you book these things really soon after getting engaged, you’ll be far more likely to have your pick of dates and get the people you want.

  • Don’t sweat the small stuff

At a cousin’s wedding, the father of the bride stood up and spoke about the nightmare of wedding organisation from his perspective. For the place settings, they had gone to a beach and picked up a small piece of driftwood for every guest to use as the place settings. The thing is, until he said this, nobody had noticed the place settings at all! Yes, you want to have pretty little details and yes they do make a difference to the overall feel of your wedding. But just remember that what people are going to remember is how much fun they had and how happy you looked, not the font used on the order of service.

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If these top tips fail, look at this cute animal picture by Liberty Pearl Photography

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The Bespoke Process

 

BespokeprocessPeople are often a little intimidated by the idea of buying a bespoke wedding dress, to take the stress out of it I've outlined here the three basic steps towards having a bespoke wedding dress made for you.

1.design

I've got all sorts of tips on how to pick the right dress for you, from getting involved with the design to picking the right dress for your shape. The first stage of the process is picking someone you're happy working with and then having them design you your perfect dress. This is usually done in one complimentary meeting, but you may need a follow up to go over specific colour or fabric swatches, particularly if you're not getting married in Ivory or you're picking lace. Once the design has been finalised a 50% deposit is taken.

To me, this stage is the most fun part of the process but it actually scares a lot of brides off bespoke, and they end up choosing off the peg something that is almost  exactly what they're looking for, or in the worst case scenario (like my sister) picking the least bad option available. My advice with bespoke is to stay the course and have a little faith- there will be plenty of opportunities to amend details as you go along.

2.toile

The next stage is for me to go away and make the pattern for your dress, and then to make it up in cheap fabric for you to try on. This process gives me an idea of how much fabric I'll need to buy, lets me see how well the pattern I've made fits you and gives you the chance to really visualise how the finished thing is going to look on. When you try on the toile it can be difficult to see past the cheap fabric, but if there are any big problems (you've completely changed your mind about the neckline etc) now is the time to raise them!

3.fit

I will require you to attend several fittings, usually in the 2 months leading up to your wedding. At the first, the dress is made in the final fabric in order to check the fit again. Often the stress of a wedding means brides change size slightly, and this fitting allows me to accommodate for that. Once we are happy with the fit, the final details will be added, such as lace applique or the scallop on your hem, and the dress will be ready to take away.

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How to find a wedding dress when you hate shopping

My sister and I couldn't be less alike in some ways. While I talk about, think about and design wedding dresses all day long, when she got married several years ago shopping for the dress was one of the most stressful parts of her wedding planning (Clearly if I had started my business things would have been different!) I asked her to pick some top tips for people who hate shopping.

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Image by Stuart Brampton

Shopping for your wedding dress can be a really fun experience - you get to try on beautiful dresses and feel like a princess. Who wouldn't love that? Still, there are people who absolutely love going on shopping trips and then there are people like me who just want it all to end so we can go home and read a book. I've been dragged kicking and screaming to the shops in the past because I had completely run out of clothes. But I promise, even for people like me, buying your wedding dress can be something which you will remember fondly. This is how I made it fun:

  • Take one or two trusted friends with you - not more

Going wedding dress shopping with a big group of people including your family and all your bridesmaids is great for some people and I'm not trying to say that they are wrong. But if you're the sort of person who finds shopping physically and mentally exhausting, the last thing you're going to want is loads of people bombarding you with opinions and options. Just keep it small. After having been dragged round several places unsuccessfully by my mum and sisters, I ended up taking just my husband-to-be and very quickly found a dress that we both loved. Everyone was scandalised that I had let him see the dress before the wedding but in the end, his opinion was most important to me and isn't that what matters at the end of the day?

  • Have an idea in your head about what you want - but be open to other possibilities

I was clear from the beginning that I wanted an empire line dress that hung from the shoulders, but I did try on a variety of other styles before settling on one that I really loved. It's important to try out a few different shapes because you might find that something suits you really well that you would never have thought of. In the end I got an empire line dress that hung from the shoulders, but trying on other styles confirmed to me that I was making the right choice about that. And the neckline I ended up with was different from what I thought I wanted, because once I tried it on I discovered that I liked it better.

  • Don't be afraid to be picky

I mentioned that my first dress shopping trip was unsuccessful. All the places I visited seemed to have a very limited variety of styles which they seemed to expect me to just fit into even though none of them were me at all. I didn't want a strapless dress but everything seemed to be strapless. You don't have to compromise on this - you want to feel completely comfortable with your dress on your big day, and it's perfectly ok not to just get one that's the best of a bad lot. Getting your dress made for you bespoke is a really good way of making sure you get the wedding dress of your dreams.

  • And lastly, just relax and have fun! This only happens once!

 

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5 Top Tips For Buying Bespoke

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I recently started working with the West Country Wedding Planners based in Exeter and they asked me to write down my top five tips for their brides on buying a bespoke wedding dress. It was hard to narrow it down, but to me these are five ways to get the most out of the dress buying journey.

My top five tips for buying a bespoke wedding dress

1. Get inspired

Unlike walking into a shop and picking something out, with bespoke you have a real opportunity to be involved in the design of your dress. Get inspired by wedding magazines and Pinterest, start collecting images and see if there's a common theme - maybe they all have sleek skirts or use a lot of lace. Remember that inspiration can come from anywhere and you have the chance to be very personal - maybe you could include details from your mum's dress or from what you wore on your first date? Think about your favourite thing to wear and why you love it.

2. Consider what you want to be able to do in the dress

Your wedding day is one of the most important days of your life - you do not want to be uncomfortable. If being able to run up the church steps, dance, or cycle away on a tandem is important to you, make sure you're picking a dress you can move in. This also applies to choosing your undergarments and shoes. It might be a good idea to skip the tightly laced corset and killer heels and opt for Spanx and shoes you can comfortably walk down the aisle in- remember that it's a wedding day and you're likely to spend more than 12 hours in your outfit.

3. Chose your designer carefully

It is important to find a designer who you like personally and whose style suits your vision for your wedding day. You will have quite a few appointments with this person, and spend a fair amount of time together in the run up to your special day. Look at their previous work online, and definitely meet them before committing. Once you've found someone you want to work with, trust them. It can be a challenging process waiting to see your dress finished, be patient and trust that you chose this person for a reason.

4. Leave plenty of time

Ask your designer what the turnaround for their dresses typically is. From most bridal boutiques the order time is about 6 months. With dressmakers it can be shorter, but too close to the wedding they may charge a rush fee. It's also not unusual to be charged a little extra if you lose or gain a lot of weight in the run up to the wedding; since the dress is being made specifically to fit you it can cause a lot of extra work. Remember to go to fittings in the underwear and heels you plan on wearing on the day, as they can also have an effect on your posture and body shape.

5. Take one kind, trustworthy friend

In your first meeting with a designer you should be getting a sense of what they do, what you want, and maybe trying on a few samples. It is likely that you will walk away with a pretty clear idea of what dress you will end up with. The temptation is therefore to bring along all your bridesmaids, sisters and mum. This will mean that rather than focusing on what you want for your day and from your dress, you are worried about their opinions and them getting bored. There are plenty of fittings which your bridesmaids can come to, and the final fit (where you pick up your dress) is the most fun one for them to attend. Leave them at home and bring only your kindest, most trustworthy friend.

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What to wear shopping for a wedding dress

 

Shopping for a wedding dress is a little different to your typical shopping experience- a little preparation can go a long way to smoothing out some of the wrinkles and meaning you have a really lovely experience.

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  1. Wear whatever underwear you plan on wearing on the day

First of all, this will help you understand how the dress will hang on you on the day. Spanx have the ability to change a dress from making you feel a little lumpy to it fitting you perfectly. I would personally recommend Spanx over a boned corset, because you wear it for a long time on your wedding day and you want to be comfy. Make sure whatever you wear is nude so that it doesn't shine through the dress.

Secondly, since wedding dresses can be a little tricky to get into, you may need help from the woman in the shop (hi!). I have seen just about everything, from super sexy thongs to sponge bob square pants briefs. Both could be a little embarrassing in front of a woman you've just met.

  1. Wear shoes a similar height to what you want to wear

This seems like a fairly obvious one. The height of your heels can have a big impact on how the dress looks, and is useful if you need to be measured that you know what height your shoes are. If they are too uncomfortable to go shopping in, they are too uncomfortable for your wedding! Wearing them to few fittings might also help wear them in, and save you blistered feet at the start of your honeymoon.

  1. Tie your hair up

Most brides wear their hair up, so even just having it in a sleek pony tail gives you a better idea of what you might look like on the day. It is also much cooler, and trying on dresses can get quite warm.

  1. No foundation

While people often say wear a little make up so you feel good about yourself, I have to say this is a dressmaker's worst nightmare. No matter how hard you try, you end up getting a little orange makeup on the clean white samples. It's the number one reason for me having to retire sample dresses from use. Mascara is enough!

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